And the Stamp Duty

Thank you to Caroline P for pointing out that someone who does even less than estate agents, the Taxman, will get the most of all due to the Stamp Duty. I am leaving him off the previous list as this does not qualify as "someone who helped...". 


As an aside, I did have the option of halving the stamp duty by using an "aggressive tax avoidance" method that apparently is fully legal. I have to admit that the idea is tempting, but where would society be if we only paid the taxes that we felt were fair? 


I reserve a special level of contempt for those who duck out of their financial commitment to society, so we will pay the full whack and remain poor but self-righteously smug. This means that I can still shout at the telly when tax dodging millionaires* appear on it, explaining how the only way out of this financial mess is to make the most vulnerable in society pay back all the money that the rich people took.


* - I have absolutely nothing against the other kind of rich people - the kind who do pay their taxes. JK Rowling and James Dyson spring to mind.

What you earn when I move house

Here's a list of the occupations that have helped us so far in our house move, along with what they will be paid. The moral of the story? Don't bother learning stuff, just get a biro!

Solicitor (with degree and professional memberships) £1,000

Mortgage Broker (with CeMAP and FSA approval) £1,100

Removal Man (with an HGV licence and a great big truck) £1,600

Estate Agent (with a biro) £5,000

An underwriter asks "Why?"

About a month ago a mortgage underwriter asked why we were moving so far away from where we are now to live in such a large house. "Oh, I know this one" I said to my very patient mortgage broking friend Stuart, "It's because we can".

We got the mortgage offer eventually, despite my amusing and witty response to this and a number of other pointless and tedious questions from people who clearly aren't paid to dream. (I will grudgingly concede that my proposed "how exciting are your plans" approach to underwriting would perhaps be unsustainable for the long term, but wouldn't the world be a better place while it lasted?).

I remember my grandfather sitting in his armchair in the nursing home towards the end of his life. He was very frail by now and his voice was weak as he leant towards me and whispered "don't get old Ollie". I intend to take this advice at face value and to stay as young as I can for as long as possible. In my head I've always assumed that the part of my life when the children can fend for themselves (is that the bit people call retirement?) will be spent somewhere in the Highlands. Fishing and growing vegetables, although not at the same time.


But we're not at that point yet, in fact we're not even half way through our working lives so isn't this a bit premature? Well it turns out that all my wife Wendy needs to keep her happy and, almost as importantly, to keep her bringing home the bacon, is an internet connection and a nearby airport. Guildford has these but so do lots of other places. So you look at a map of Britain for towns near airports. You chuck out anywhere that looks a bit full already. Or that might have a lot of concrete or tories. You dismiss places that might make the kids grow up with a funny accent or where they might get laughed at for their inability to breathe through their ears. And then you start factoring in things like "it has a beach and a swimming pool". And that, friends, is how we ended up thinking that Nairn might be a good idea.

An added bonus is that having grown up an hour or so away from there it's almost an area I know well but not well enough for me to be imposing my place on the rest of the family. If that makes sense. It might not. This is our journey forwards, not my nostalgic journey back in time.

So last March we went there to stay for a few days and explore a bit more - to try Nairn on for size. Looking back, this short film of the kids playing over on the West beach is probably a recording of the moment we decided to move.

We tried it, we liked it and now we're about to live there. If you were at our leaving drinks last night then thank you for coming and I meant what I almost certainly said about coming to visit us - there's plenty of room!